11 Things About You That Will Change When You Lose Your Parents

Losing a parent is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your relationship was like, the impact is always huge. Grief comes in waves, and it can turn your world upside down. While everyone’s journey through loss is different, there are certain changes many people experience. From feeling lost to holding onto memories tighter than ever, these shifts become part of how you learn to live with your new reality.

1. You’ll feel lost for a while.

For many, their parents are their true north. They raise us and pass on their values and attitudes about the world. Even as we become adults, we still look to our parents for guidance. Whether it’s about looking for a job, parenting, or fixing a leaky faucet, we still turn to our parents for advice. And no matter how old you are, you probably still want to call your mom or dad for comfort when you’re sick or heartbroken. 

Losing that “true north” when a parent passes away will make you feel lost for a while. Eventually, you’ll get your feet back under you. And although you won’t be able to call your parents to ask a question, all of the advice they’ve given you will stick with you. They’ll keep guiding you even after they’ve passed away.  

2. There will be holes in your routines.

Until they’re gone, you probably won’t even notice what a big part of your life your parents are. You might call your dad every evening or have dinner with your mom once a week. When you lose a parent, those routines will become holes in your schedule, and it might be hard to know what to do with yourself during the times you’d usually spend with a parent.

3. Holidays will be painful.

Holidays and special occasions can feel a bit emptier after losing a parent. Those moments you once looked forward to might now carry a heaviness because they remind you of the traditions and time you used to share. Whether it’s a holiday meal or just the simple act of being together, their absence is felt deeply during these times. Over time, you might find new ways to honor their memory, but it’s okay if holidays don’t feel quite the same for a while.

4. You might have some regrets.

After losing a parent, many people focus on regrets about a recent argument or not answering the phone the last time their parent called. While it’s normal to wish for one more opportunity to show your parents that you loved them, don’t fixate on regrets. Your relationship with your mother or father was more than one argument or missed phone call. Concentrate on the love you’ve shown them throughout your life together and celebrate the love they showed you.

5. Memories will come to you when you least expect it.

It’s surprising how memories of your parent can suddenly pop into your mind, often when you least expect it. It could be something as small as a familiar smell or a certain phrase, and suddenly you’re reliving a moment from years ago. These memories can be both comforting and bittersweet. You might find yourself jotting them down or sharing them with others, as they help keep your parent’s presence alive in little ways. These unexpected reminders become a part of your journey through grief.

6. You’ll soak up others’ memories of them.

After your parent passes, hearing stories from other people who knew them becomes something you hold onto. These shared memories can be like little gifts—pieces of your parent that you may have never known about. Whether it’s a funny anecdote or a touching story, these moments help you feel closer to them even after they’re gone. You’ll find yourself soaking up every story, realizing how much your parent meant to so many people beyond just your own experiences.

7. It will feel like others forget them too quickly.

Losing a parent causes a deep and unique type of grief. And it may feel that others forget your parents too quickly. Don’t be afraid to talk about your grief with others, even if it seems that they have moved on. They might also be suffering silently, and talking about it will help both of you continue to move through the grieving process.

8. Others’ complaints about their parents will annoy you.

In our culture, it’s common to complain about our families, especially our parents. When others do this, you might feel annoyed that they’re not appreciating their parents enough after having lost yours. It’s always okay to excuse yourself from a conversation if you feel uncomfortable or frustrated. And if you’re really annoyed, you might talk to the complainer privately about why.

9. You’ll have a deeper appreciation for family.

Losing a parent often brings a new sense of appreciation for the family you still have. It’s like their absence makes you want to hold the people you love a little closer. Whether it’s siblings, extended family, or even close friends who feel like family, you may find yourself wanting to strengthen those connections. You realize how precious time with loved ones really is, and it encourages you to be more intentional about showing your love and spending time together.

10. You may uncover secrets.

When people pass away, old secrets sometimes come to light. Whether you stumble upon information while you’re cleaning out their house or someone else reveals a secret to you, this can be jarring. If this happens to you, don’t hold it in. Depending on how personal the secret is, talk about it with family members or a grief counselor to help you process this new information.

11. You’ll always carry a sense of sadness.

The death of a parent is an enormous loss. While moving through the stages of grief will make it less acutely painful, you’ll always carry a sense of sadness. But don’t let that make you feel hopeless. That sadness means that your parent was an important person in your life. When your grief shows up, take it as an opportunity to remember and appreciate your parents and the impact they had on you.

Honoring Their Memory in Everyday Life

Losing a parent changes everything, and it’s a type of grief that stays with you. While the sharpness of the pain may ease over time, the absence of someone so important never really goes away. But that’s because they mattered—because they shaped who you are. The memories, advice, and love they gave you will always be a part of your life, guiding you in ways you might not even realize. Over time, you’ll find your own way of keeping their spirit alive, whether it’s through the stories you share or the lessons you carry with you each day.