Why More Men Are Skipping Marriage and Kids And Growing in Numbers

Across the United States, the social fabric of family and partnership is undergoing a quiet yet profound transformation. Increasingly, adults are choosing to live outside of the traditional life scripts that once seemed almost inevitable. The latest data from the Pew Research Center paints a striking picture: a rising share of Americans are living without a spouse or partner, and within this demographic, men who have no children and no marriage plans are emerging as one of the fastest-growing groups. While at first glance this may appear to be a mere demographic footnote, the trend signals deeper cultural and economic shifts that are redefining what adulthood looks like in the twenty-first century. No longer is marriage followed by parenthood the assumed destiny; instead, alternative paths are being carved out and normalized. This raises fascinating questions about identity, fulfillment, and the evolving definitions of family and success.

The narrative of adulthood has long revolved around certain milestones: finishing education, establishing a career, marrying, raising children, and building a household. These were once seen as near-universal benchmarks of stability and maturity. Yet as societal attitudes evolve, more men are choosing paths that diverge sharply from those expectations. For some, this departure is a deliberate act of autonomy, a conscious decision to prioritize personal freedom, financial independence, or creative pursuits over conventional family life. For others, the decision is less a matter of choice and more a consequence of broader structural factors, such as economic insecurity, unstable work opportunities, or shifting cultural norms that make marriage less appealing or feasible. What emerges is not a story of failure or deficiency but a layered exploration of autonomy, circumstance, and identity. To understand this shift, it is necessary to go beyond surface statistics and examine the economic, social, and psychological forces shaping the lives of this rapidly growing group of men.

The Data Behind the Trend

Pew Research data highlights just how significant this trend has become. In 1990, about 29 percent of U.S. adults between the ages of 25 and 54 were unpartnered, meaning they were neither married nor cohabiting with a romantic partner. By 2019, that figure had risen to 38 percent, an increase that represents millions of people who are living outside of traditional partnerships. This growth is primarily driven by those who have never been married, a share that climbed from 17 percent in 1990 to 33 percent in 2019. Among men, the change is particularly striking: nearly 39 percent of men in this age bracket were unpartnered in 2019, compared to 36 percent of women. When we look specifically at whether unpartnered men are raising children, the numbers shrink dramatically. Only about 8 percent of unpartnered men lived with a child in 2019, compared to a much higher 61 percent of men who were partnered. Together, these statistics create a clear picture of a subgroup of men who are not only outside of partnerships but also opting out of fatherhood.

What makes these figures especially important is their long-term trajectory. A generation ago, being unpartnered in midlife was far less common and often regarded as a temporary phase before settling down. Today, however, being unpartnered is not only more prevalent but also more likely to persist as a stable lifestyle choice or long-term circumstance. This fundamentally challenges assumptions about the structure of adulthood. Instead of being anomalies, men without children and without marriage plans are becoming a visible and normalized part of society. The question now is not whether they exist in large numbers, but what their presence means for how communities, institutions, and even economies function when traditional models of family life no longer dominate to the same extent.

Why This Subgroup Matters

The rise of men who are neither fathers nor partners is far more than just an interesting demographic curiosity; it speaks to the changing expectations of masculinity, adulthood, and what constitutes a “successful life.” For decades, cultural norms linked manhood tightly to roles as providers, husbands, and fathers. Those roles came with clear responsibilities but also with social validation. A man who worked hard, raised a family, and provided stability was often held up as the archetype of maturity. As these expectations loosen, however, men are now redefining adulthood for themselves in more individualistic and varied ways. Some celebrate this as liberating, a chance to live without the pressures of traditional obligations. Others, however, may experience it as disorienting, struggling to find direction in a society that no longer guarantees clear milestones.

Economics, unsurprisingly, plays a major role in this transition. Pew’s analysis shows that partnered men are both more likely to be employed and to earn higher incomes than their unpartnered peers. In 2019, about 91 percent of partnered men were employed, compared to just 73 percent of unpartnered men.

The income gap was also significant: partnered men had median earnings of $57,000 per year, while unpartnered men earned just $35,600. These disparities are not merely background details but key drivers of why many men delay or avoid marriage and children altogether. For some, the pressure to be financially stable before entering a long-term relationship feels insurmountable. For others, the absence of a partner may exacerbate their economic vulnerability, creating a cycle in which financial instability and lack of partnership reinforce one another. The reality is nuanced, but the feedback loop between economics and family decisions is undeniable.

The psychological landscape is equally complex. Marriage and parenthood often provide built-in structures for social support and emotional grounding. Without them, unpartnered men may face higher risks of isolation, loneliness, or difficulty building a sense of meaning. Yet this does not mean their lives are inherently unfulfilling. Many unpartnered men consciously create alternative sources of purpose such as cultivating deep friendships, investing in careers, pursuing creative passions, or embedding themselves in communities and causes. What stands out is that fulfillment looks different, not necessarily lesser, than it once did. Recognizing both the vulnerabilities and the strengths of this demographic is essential if we are to move away from stereotypes that paint them as either irresponsible or pitiable.

Real-World Illustrations

Behind every statistic is a human story, and these stories bring life to the numbers. In urban centers across the country, many men in their thirties and forties are intentionally choosing to remain child-free, citing a desire for independence, career mobility, or the freedom to pursue personal passions. Some view marriage as an outdated institution, one that no longer reflects their values or aspirations. Instead, they pour their time into travel, creative projects, or cultivating chosen families of friends and peers. For these men, the absence of children or marriage is not a gap but a deliberate step toward a life they find more authentic and meaningful.

At the same time, not all men in this category arrive here by choice. For many, financial insecurity or unstable employment plays a decisive role in delaying or forgoing marriage and fatherhood. A man who struggles to maintain steady work may feel unprepared to take on the financial and emotional demands of raising children or sustaining a household. For these men, the choice is less about autonomy and more about practicality. They may still long for a family but feel unable to provide what they believe is required. This creates a complex blend of ambivalence, where cultural expectations clash with personal realities.

Social perception remains a recurring challenge. Even as the number of unpartnered, child-free men grows, they often face questions from family members, colleagues, or peers asking when they will “settle down.” These seemingly casual questions carry weight, reminding men of the enduring power of traditional scripts. Navigating this tension between personal decisions and external expectations is one of the defining challenges of this demographic. It reveals how society continues to measure success against benchmarks that no longer hold universal relevance, even as lived experiences diverge from them in increasing numbers.

Balanced Perspectives & Nuances

It would be simplistic to frame the rise of unpartnered, child-free men as either purely liberating or deeply troubling. The truth, as always, lies in the middle. Not every man who is unpartnered is there by conscious choice; circumstances such as health issues, fertility challenges, or difficulties finding a compatible partner also play significant roles. Likewise, being unpartnered does not automatically mean being isolated or unfulfilled. Many men find joy in pursuits that traditional family life might have constrained, such as entrepreneurial ventures, artistic exploration, or intense investment in community or social causes. These experiences can be as rich and valid as raising a family.

On the other hand, partnership and parenthood are not guaranteed tickets to happiness or stability. Families can fracture under financial or emotional strain, marriages can dissolve, and parenthood often brings both profound joy and profound stress. By acknowledging these realities, we can move the conversation away from moralizing and toward empathy. The diversity of adult life defies simple labels of “success” or “failure,” and what matters most is the capacity to build a meaningful existence aligned with one’s circumstances and values.

Cultural context adds further complexity. While Pew’s data reflects the U.S. experience, international trends show significant variation. In Northern European countries, for instance, cohabitation without marriage is normalized, and raising children outside wedlock carries little stigma. In contrast, in parts of Asia, strong family expectations and cultural norms make remaining unpartnered far less acceptable, and those who do face greater social scrutiny. These differences underscore that the U.S. trend is not a universal phenomenon but part of a broader global reimagining of what family life can look like in different cultural and economic contexts.

A Closing Reflection

What is unfolding in the United States is not the disappearance of family but the diversification of life paths. For men without children and without marriage plans, life is not automatically lesser or incomplete; it is simply a different model that comes with its own set of challenges and opportunities. This shift challenges institutions from policymakers to employers to communities to rethink how they support individuals who do not fit neatly into the traditional mold of family life. Social benefits, workplace policies, and cultural narratives must expand to accommodate diverse forms of adulthood.

At the individual level, this change prompts deeper reflection on how meaning, resilience, and connection can be cultivated outside the bounds of marriage and parenthood. For some, it will mean nurturing lifelong friendships, for others pursuing creative or intellectual passions, and for many it will involve building new types of communities that serve as chosen families. Rather than measuring worth by adherence to old milestones, we are called to recognize the plurality of ways that people build rich and fulfilling lives.

The growing visibility of men without children or marriage plans should not be viewed as a crisis but as an evolution. It is a reminder that the paths to fulfillment are many, that human lives can be just as vibrant outside of conventional models as within them. Whether through family life or through independent exploration, the essential truth is that meaning arises from living authentically and intentionally. Seen this way, the trend points to expansion rather than decline, encouraging people to embrace the full range of human experience.