Full disclosure: I swear a lot. I’m the person who loudly swears in public, is informed that children, or other people it’s uncouth to swear around, are present, and lets out a self-effacing expletive. You can’t, I’ve been informed, take me anywhere.
But apparently the qualities that make me so bad at my grandmother’s high-stakes canasta game make me a better friend. Surprised? Read on.
Multi-Level Studies on Swearing
You may know the old joke: how many universities does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If the lightbulb is “reframing public views on curse words,” the answer is apparently four. The first two schools involved you may not have heard of. They’re Maastricht University in the Netherlands and the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology. Good schools, probably, but maybe you’re looking for a name with a little more international pizzazz. How about Stanford University in California? Or England’s Cambridge University? Those schools make up the last members of this joint study.
Swearing and Honesty
The premise of the study is simple: what social behaviors really link people who swear?
There were two parts to the study. First, a lie test given to 276 participants. Then, an analysis of 75,000+ different Facebook users. The research was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2017.
The results were positive, I swear. I wouldn’t lie to you! And according to the research, that’s the truth. People who swear more are generally more honest. Dr. David Stillwell, co-author of the paper, explains why. “Swearing is often inappropriate,” he admits. “But it can also be evidence that someone is telling you their honest opinion. Just as they aren’t filtering their language to be more palatable, they’re also not filtering their views. ”
A Sign of Intelligence
Timothy Jay, from the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, has written the book on social swearing–literally. Teaming up with Kristin Joy from Marist College, they also focused on swearing. The results? If you swear, you probably have a better vocabulary than if you don’t.
In their study, “The Pragmatics of Swearing,” they say that those who swear understand “nuanced distinctions that must be drawn to use slurs appropriately. The ability to make nuanced distinction indicates the presence of more rather than less linguistic knowledge.” They also conducted Facebook studies around swearing and honesty and found the same answers as the multi-level study. Swearing does link up with greater honesty!
Neuro-Psycho-Social Theory
In one of Jay’s books, Why We Curse, he also says that swearing tells us the kind of person someone is. It’s a fundamental part of their identity. He writes:
How we use these curse words portrays our deep emotional investment in a personal identity which we use to experience the world, to differentiate ourselves from others, and to express our feelings and attitudes about others. The use of these words tells us who we are and how we fit in the world. We do not just utter curse words; curse words are part of our identities.
Choosing the Right Friends
While our study highlights that those who swear often might be more intelligent and potentially better friends, it’s important to remember that choosing the right friends involves looking at a broader spectrum of traits. Here are some tips to help you see beyond the colorful language:
1. Shared Values and Interests: Look for friends who share similar values and interests. This common ground can be the foundation of a strong and enduring relationship, providing countless opportunities for enjoyable activities and meaningful conversations.
2. Emotional Intelligence: Beyond intellectual brilliance or a witty use of swear words, emotional intelligence is crucial. A friend who is empathetic, can handle their emotions healthily, and understands and respects your feelings can be a valuable ally in life’s ups and downs.
3. Reliability: A good friend is someone you can count on. Look for individuals who keep their promises and show up both during the good times and the bad. Reliability is a cornerstone of trust in any relationship.
4. Mutual Respect: Respect is key in any relationship. Friends should respect each other’s opinions, boundaries, and differences. This includes respecting each other’s choice of language, whether they choose to use swear words or not.
5. Positive Influence: Surround yourself with friends who inspire you to be your best self and support your personal growth. While it’s fun to have friends who are carefree and clever with their words, it’s also important to have friends who encourage you to make positive choices.
6. Humor and Fun: Never underestimate the power of humor and the ability to have fun together. While intelligence and shared values are important, laughter and joy are the glues that hold friendships together through tough times.
7. Communication Skills: Good communication is essential. This includes being able to discuss issues openly and honestly, even when you disagree. Look for friends who are good listeners and communicators.
While the ability to swear with the best of them can make for colorful and entertaining conversations, remember that the best friendships are multi-layered, built on mutual respect, shared experiences, and emotional bonds. Choose friends who bring out the best in you, push you towards growth, and stand by you when you need them the most.