‘Basic decency and manners’: Customer cleans up for server at restaurant after eating, sparking debate


In today’s digital age, a single social media post can ignite widespread debates and challenge long-standing social norms. Recently, a TikTok video featuring a customer cleaning up his table at a restaurant sparked a lively discussion about dining etiquette. The video, which has amassed thousands of views, has people questioning: Is it a mark of respect to clean up after yourself, or does it undermine the job of restaurant staff? This seemingly simple act has divided opinions and raised important questions about manners, responsibilities, and expectations in public spaces.

The Viral Video and Its Impact

In a video that quickly went viral, TikToker Nicolas Conquer, known for his positive and fitness-related content, posted a clip showing himself cleaning up his table at a restaurant after dining. The video has amassed over 800,000 views and has sparked a significant debate about restaurant etiquette.

In the video, Conquer is seen stacking plates, moving cups to the center of the table, and placing silverware neatly on the plates. He captioned the video with, “POV: you’re a customer who has worked in the service industry so not only do you tip but you clean up after yourself like a grown up.” The video included a sarcastic remark, “What a crazy concept,” aimed at highlighting what he considers basic adult behavior.

Conquer explained in the comments that his actions were a bare minimum reference for what adults should do, particularly those who have worked in the service industry and understand the challenges faced by servers. He also mentioned that he posted the video to set an example of common decency and manners in public spaces​.

The video elicited a mixed response from viewers. Supporters praised Conquer for his respectful gesture, considering it basic good manners and a sign of respect for the service staff. Comments such as “I do this too. And I pick up every piece of food my kids drop” and “Used to drive my ex crazy, but it’s not their job to clean up after my kids” reflected a sentiment of personal responsibility and courtesy​.

However, not everyone agreed with Conquer’s approach. Some viewers argued that cleaning up the table is not the customer’s responsibility and that such actions could disrupt the established systems servers use to manage their workload efficiently. A server commented, “Please put all trash/food on the top plate or we’re gonna have to separate it all anyways,” indicating that well-intentioned actions might sometimes add to the workload instead of helping.

Conquer’s video and the ensuing debate highlight a broader conversation about what constitutes appropriate behavior and common courtesy in restaurants, raising questions about customer responsibilities and the realities of service work.

Support for Cleaning Up

The video posted by Nicolas Conquer sparked a wave of support from various individuals who see cleaning up after oneself at a restaurant as a sign of respect and good manners. Many viewers who supported Conquer’s actions shared their own experiences and reasons for doing the same.

Several commenters emphasized that cleaning up after oneself is a basic form of decency and respect for the staff. One user remarked, “Basic decency and manners. The people who don’t is beyond me”​. Another commenter noted, “I honestly thought that what I was supposed to do”​. These individuals view this behavior as an extension of the respect they have for service workers, ensuring that they are not left with an excessive mess to clean up.

Personal Experiences and Teaching Kids

Many supporters shared personal anecdotes about how they’ve always practiced this habit and even instilled it in their children. One TikTok user mentioned, “I’ve done this for my family since I was little, it’s just manners”. Another parent shared how they ensure their kids clean up after themselves, reinforcing the importance of responsibility from a young age: “I do this too. And I pick up every piece of food my kids drop. Used to drive my ex crazy, but it’s not their job to clean up after my kids”.

Appreciation from Service Workers

Interestingly, many individuals who have worked in the service industry expressed their gratitude towards customers who take the time to clean up after themselves. They appreciated Conquer’s efforts and labeled him a “good human” for his actions. These service workers highlighted that clearing your own mess is “the right and respectful thing to do”.

Studies on Customer Behavior and Tips

The debate also touches on broader studies about customer behavior in restaurants. A study conducted by Finder.com in 2021 revealed that over 7% of people don’t tip at all, making it even more crucial for some patrons to go the extra mile in showing their appreciation through actions like cleaning up their table​. This additional effort can significantly enhance the dining experience for both customers and staff, fostering a more respectful and considerate dining environment.

Opposition to Cleaning Up

While many supported Nicolas Conquer’s approach to cleaning up after dining at a restaurant, there was also considerable opposition. Critics argue that cleaning up the table is not a customer’s responsibility and may even disrupt the established workflow of restaurant staff.

Several commenters expressed the view that part of the reason people dine out is to avoid chores like cleaning up. One user bluntly stated, “Lmaoo I’ll tip but I’m not cleaning up the table. That’s part of the reason u go out is it not?”​. This sentiment was echoed by others who felt that doing the server’s job undermines the service they are paying for.

Another common concern is that customers attempting to help by cleaning up can inadvertently create more work for the staff. A server mentioned, “Please put all trash/food on the top plate or we’re gonna have to separate it all anyways”​. This highlights how well-intentioned actions can interfere with the staff’s established cleaning processes, potentially increasing their workload instead of reducing it.

Additionally, some restaurant workers noted that specific ways of stacking dishes or organizing leftovers can actually hinder their workflow. For instance, another server shared, “I have straight up had servers ask me not to arrange stuff cause it messed with their system”. This indicates that there are certain protocols in place that customers may not be aware of, and disrupting these can lead to inefficiencies.

There was also criticism regarding the motives behind Conquer’s video. Some viewers felt that he was seeking validation or recognition for his actions. A comment read, “Do you want an award?” questioning the necessity of posting such actions on social media.

Interestingly, this debate also touches on generational differences in dining behaviors. A separate discussion highlighted how younger generations tend to be more considerate in cleaning up, possibly due to a higher awareness of the challenges faced by service workers. However, this practice isn’t universally appreciated by restaurant staff, indicating that the context and specific restaurant policies play significant roles.

Tips for Dining Out with Consideration

The debate sparked by Nicolas Conquer’s video has highlighted a range of opinions about restaurant etiquette. While some people see cleaning up after oneself as a mark of respect and good manners, others believe it disrupts the established workflow of restaurant staff. Finding a middle ground involves understanding the dynamics of restaurant operations and how customers can help effectively without causing additional work.

This middle-ground approach underscores the importance of both customer courtesy and respect for the professional processes in place, ensuring a harmonious dining experience for everyone involved.

When dining out, showing consideration for the service staff and fellow diners can enhance the overall experience. Here are some consolidated tips to ensure you dine out with grace and respect:

  1. Communicate with Staff: Before attempting to clean up or stack plates, ask your server if they would appreciate the help. Clear communication ensures your efforts align with the restaurant’s protocols and do not disrupt their workflow.
  2. Proper Stacking and Cleanup: If you decide to stack plates, place all trash and food scraps on the top plate to make it easier for servers. Always ask first if stacking is appropriate for that particular restaurant​.
  3. Tipping Generously: Tipping is a significant part of dining etiquette. The standard is 15-20%, but consider tipping more for exceptional service to show appreciation for the hard work of the service staff.
  4. Basic Table Manners: Adhere to basic table manners such as chewing with your mouth closed, keeping elbows off the table, and not speaking with a full mouth. These actions help maintain a pleasant dining environment for everyone​.
  5. Respecting the Dining Environment: Be mindful of noise levels and ensure children do not create disturbances. This consideration helps maintain a serene atmosphere for all diners.
  6. Navigating Bills and Payments: Discuss how the bill will be split at the beginning of the meal to avoid confusion. Offering to pay discreetly or asking for separate checks when ordering can prevent awkward situations​.
  7. Handling Leftovers: Politely ask the server to pack leftovers for you instead of doing it yourself at the table. This avoids mess and ensures a smoother process.
  8. Post-Meal Etiquette: Once finished eating, place your silverware in the “done” position—parallel to each other on the right side of the plate. This signals to the staff that you are finished and aids in clearing the table efficiently.
  9. Thank Your Server: A simple “thank you” goes a long way in showing appreciation for the service provided. This gesture contributes to a positive dining atmosphere and acknowledges the efforts of the staff​.
  10. Be Polite to the Waitstaff: Always treat waitstaff with respect, regardless of their demeanor. Politeness enhances your dining experience and reflects well on you​.

Takeaway Lessons on Dining Out

The debate sparked by Nicolas Conquer’s TikTok video about cleaning up after oneself in restaurants touches on broader themes of etiquette, respect, and customer behavior in dining establishments. While opinions differ on the necessity and appropriateness of such actions, the discussion underscores the importance of mutual respect and understanding between diners and service staff.

Whether you choose to clean up your table or not, it’s crucial to communicate with the servers and follow the specific etiquette norms of the restaurant. Tipping generously, maintaining basic table manners, and being considerate of the dining environment are fundamental aspects that contribute to a positive dining experience for everyone involved.

By adopting a balanced approach and respecting the roles of service workers, diners can ensure a harmonious and enjoyable dining experience. Remember, the essence of good etiquette is not just about following rules but about fostering respect and understanding in shared spaces.


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