Expert Claims Parents Should Ask Babies for Permission Before Changing Diapers

Should parents ask their babies for permission before changing their diapers? It’s a question that sparked a heated debate after Deanne Carson, an educator specializing in consent and body safety, suggested that parents introduce the concept of bodily autonomy from infancy. Her argument wasn’t that babies can give verbal consent but that small interactions—like pausing to make eye contact before changing a diaper—can help build a lifelong understanding of personal boundaries.

The response was deeply divided. Supporters saw it as a step toward teaching children respect for their own bodies, something they believe is crucial in preventing future boundary violations. Critics, however, dismissed the idea as impractical, arguing that babies rely entirely on caregivers for their basic needs and that consent, in this context, doesn’t make sense.

At its core, this discussion is about more than just diapers. It raises larger questions about how children learn about consent, how early those lessons should begin, and whether a shift in parental habits could have a lasting impact on how kids understand personal space and autonomy.

Parental Responsibility vs. Consent

At the core of this debate is a simple truth: a baby’s well-being is the parent’s responsibility, not a matter of negotiation. Infants rely entirely on caregivers to meet their basic needs—feeding, bathing, comforting, and, yes, diaper changes. Unlike older children or adults, babies do not have the capacity to make decisions about their care, nor should they be expected to.

Critics of Carson’s suggestion argue that framing routine caregiving tasks as requiring consent misrepresents the nature of parental duty. A responsible parent doesn’t need a baby’s “permission” to ensure they are clean, healthy, and comfortable. In fact, waiting for a sign of agreement before changing a soiled diaper could lead to discomfort, rashes, or even health risks.

That doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t communicate with their children. Talking to a baby during caregiving routines can be a valuable way to build trust and connection. But at the end of the day, a parent’s job is to care for their child—whether or not the child “consents” to a necessary task. Ensuring a baby’s well-being comes first, and no debate should overshadow that fundamental responsibility.

Understanding the Intent Behind the Controversial Advice

Deanne Carson, a consent and body safety educator, who believes that teaching children about personal boundaries should start from birth. Her suggestion? Parents should ask their baby’s “permission” before changing a diaper—not because the baby can respond verbally, but to establish a culture where bodily autonomy is respected.

Carson explains that the practice isn’t about waiting for a baby’s verbal approval. Instead, it’s about pausing, making eye contact, and recognizing a child’s nonverbal cues. According to her, this simple act teaches infants that their body is their own and that their reactions matter, even before they can speak.

Critics were quick to argue that babies lack the cognitive ability to understand consent, making the suggestion unnecessary. However, Carson and other child safety advocates believe that normalizing consent-based interactions early in life lays the groundwork for children to recognize and assert their boundaries as they grow.

What Science Says About Teaching Consent to Young Children

Research in child development supports the idea that even before they can talk, babies begin forming an understanding of communication and trust. Studies have shown that infants respond to tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language—key elements of early social interaction.

Experts in child psychology suggest that while babies may not grasp the concept of consent in a legal sense, they do learn from repeated interactions. According to Dr. Tessa Opie, a specialist in consent education, consistently reinforcing respect for a child’s bodily autonomy can help shape their understanding of personal boundaries as they grow.

Additionally, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) emphasizes the importance of early caregiver-child interactions in building healthy attachment and self-awareness. Practices that encourage responsiveness to a child’s cues, including nonverbal ones, are linked to better emotional regulation and stronger interpersonal skills later in life.

Of course, this doesn’t mean a baby should dictate when their diaper gets changed. Rather, the approach focuses on fostering trust and communication—key foundations for learning about consent in an age-appropriate way.

Practical Parenting or Overcomplicating the Basics?

Carson’s suggestion was met with mixed reactions, with some people embracing the idea as a step toward teaching respect for bodily autonomy, while others dismissed it as impractical. Many parents questioned how consent applies to infants who rely entirely on caregivers for their basic needs.

Critics argued that pausing for “permission” before a diaper change could lead to unnecessary confusion. Social media responses ranged from skepticism to outright ridicule, with some parents joking that their child would be left in a dirty diaper until they “agreed” to be changed. Others pointed out that many toddlers actively resist diaper changes, raising concerns about how this approach would work in real-life parenting situations.

However, supporters, including child protection advocates, argue that the idea is being misinterpreted. They emphasize that the goal isn’t to wait for verbal agreement but rather to establish a pattern of respectful interaction that helps children understand their right to bodily autonomy as they grow. Katie Russell, a spokesperson for Rape Crisis England and Wales, noted that encouraging parents to be mindful of consent in everyday interactions is part of a broader effort to reduce future risks of boundary violations and abuse.

Can This Approach Work in Real Life?

While the idea of asking for a baby’s permission before a diaper change remains controversial, some parenting experts and childcare organizations have already adopted similar consent-based practices. For example, some childcare centers encourage parents to talk their baby through daily routines, explaining what they’re about to do and giving the child a chance to respond in their own way—through body language, expressions, or even cooing.

The idea aligns with broader parenting philosophies that promote autonomy and respectful communication. Experts in child development suggest that narrating actions and seeking cooperation—rather than demanding compliance—can foster a sense of security and mutual respect between parent and child. Some parents who practice this approach say it helps reduce struggles during diaper changes and other daily routines.

However, skeptics argue that while encouraging bodily autonomy is important, parents must also set firm boundaries. A baby may not “consent” to a diaper change, but hygiene and health take priority. Many experts suggest that rather than focusing on permission, parents can create a balance by using respectful language while maintaining essential caregiving responsibilities.

Ultimately, the debate reveals a broader shift in modern parenting—one that prioritizes communication, emotional intelligence, and respect for a child’s developing sense of self. Whether or not asking for permission before diaper changes becomes widely adopted, the discussion has opened new conversations about how to raise children with a strong understanding of boundaries and personal agency.

The Bigger Lesson on Respect and Autonomy

The debate over asking babies for permission before changing their diapers is about more than just a parenting trend—it’s a reflection of evolving conversations around consent, autonomy, and respectful communication. While critics argue that the idea is impractical, supporters see it as a small but meaningful way to instill a sense of bodily autonomy from an early age.

At its core, this discussion highlights a broader shift in modern parenting. More than ever, parents and caregivers are being encouraged to create environments where children feel heard, respected, and empowered. While babies may not understand consent in the traditional sense, the way adults interact with them can shape their early perceptions of communication, trust, and personal boundaries.

Ultimately, parenting is about balance. Teaching children that their bodies belong to them is important, but so is ensuring their basic needs are met. Whether or not parents choose to implement this approach, one thing is clear—the conversation around consent and respect in parenting isn’t going away anytime soon.