In a world where love often defies conventions, the relationship between Mart Soeson, a 48-year-old lawyer, and Elfriede Riit, a 104-year-old woman, stands out as particularly extraordinary. Their bond, spanning over a decade, captivated many and sparked debates about the nature of true companionship. Despite facing skepticism and numerous challenges, their story is a testament to the enduring power of love.
The Unlikely Bond
The relationship between Mart Soeson and Elfriede Riit began in an unconventional way and gradually developed into a deep and meaningful bond. Their story started in 1996 when Mart, an Estonian lawyer, came to Australia to study advanced English. He was invited to stay at Elfriede’s home in Bankstown, Sydney. Elfriede, who had previously been married to Mart’s grandfather, initially shared a familial connection with him. However, over time, this connection evolved into something more profound.
Their relationship didn’t begin as a romantic affair. Mart and Elfriede spent years building a foundation of companionship and mutual respect. It wasn’t until 2013, when Mart was 37 and Elfriede was 92, that their bond transitioned into a romantic relationship. Mart described this transformation as a gradual realization of their deep emotional and intellectual compatibility. He said, “What started out as a wholesome bond I had with my late grandfather’s widow slowly but surely turned into a very meaningful and loving relationship.”
Despite their significant age difference of 56 years, Mart and Elfriede’s relationship was marked by a strong emotional and spiritual connection. They shared many intimate moments that did not involve physical intimacy, focusing instead on holding hands, hugging, and kissing. Mart emphasized the importance of their intellectual and emotional bonds, stating, “We have a spiritual and intellectual relationship. We have a strong emotional connection to each other.”
Their love was not without its challenges. Public perception and societal norms often questioned the legitimacy of their relationship. However, Mart and Elfriede remained undeterred by external judgments, finding strength in their mutual understanding and affection.
Studies on age-discrepant relationships suggest that emotional and intellectual compatibility can often outweigh physical and age-related factors in determining relationship satisfaction. According to a study published in the journal Gerontology, couples with significant age differences can experience high levels of relationship satisfaction if they share strong emotional bonds and mutual respect (Levenson, Carstensen, & Gottman, 1993).
Daily Life and Care
Mart Soeson and Elfriede Riit’s daily life together was a testament to their deep bond and mutual care. Their routine was filled with simple yet meaningful activities that strengthened their relationship and provided comfort, especially as Elfriede’s health began to decline.
Despite their age difference, Mart and Elfriede found joy in shared activities. They enjoyed attending concerts, chapel services, and watching television together. These moments allowed them to connect on a deeper level and cherish their time together. Mart often brought Elfriede her favorite foods, including chocolate and berries, demonstrating his attentiveness to her preferences and needs.
Their life took a significant turn when Elfriede’s health deteriorated, leading to her move into an aged care facility in September 2022. This transition was necessary due to her Alzheimer’s disease and other health issues, including bipolar disorder with depressive symptoms, hearing, and vision impairments. Despite these challenges, Mart remained a constant presence in her life, visiting her regularly and ensuring she received the care and attention she needed.
Mart’s commitment to Elfriede was unwavering. He frequently visited the nursing home, bringing small comforts and engaging in activities that brought Elfriede joy. They continued to attend social events and medical appointments together, maintaining as much of their previous lifestyle as possible. Mart’s dedication was evident in his efforts to make Elfriede’s final years comfortable and filled with love.
Further, the couple managed their finances together, and Mart took on the responsibility of overseeing Elfriede’s care. He quit his legal career in Estonia to fully commit to their relationship and support Elfriede during her most vulnerable moments. This sacrifice highlighted the depth of his dedication and love for her.
Their life together, marked by mutual respect and care, serves as a powerful reminder that love can manifest in various forms. Mart and Elfriede’s story demonstrates that true companionship and commitment can transcend traditional expectations, providing inspiration for those who believe in the enduring power of love.
Proving Their Love
Mart Soeson faced significant challenges proving his relationship with Elfriede Riit, especially when applying for a visa to stay in Australia. The Department of Home Affairs was skeptical due to their age difference and lack of physical intimacy. Mart’s application for permanent residency was rejected in 2018, leading him to appeal to the Administrative Appeals Tribunal.
During the hearing, Mart was questioned extensively about their relationship. Despite not sharing a bedroom or having a sexual relationship, Mart emphasized their deep emotional and intellectual bond. He stated, “We have intimacy – holding hands, hugs, kissing. We have a spiritual and intellectual relationship. We have a strong emotional connection to each other”.
Mart’s case was complicated by his occasional reference to Elfriede as his grandmother to avoid discrimination. He explained, “I felt discrimination, maybe that’s why. I felt scared that they will discriminate”. Despite these challenges, Mart provided evidence of their shared life, including their routines and financial management, highlighting his sacrifices, such as quitting his legal career in Estonia.
Mart’s dedication to proving the legitimacy of his relationship with Elfriede underscores the depth of their bond, challenging conventional notions of romantic relationships and emphasizing the importance of emotional and intellectual connections.
Tips for Unconventional Relationships
Navigating an unconventional relationship, like the one between Mart Soeson and Elfriede Riit, can come with unique challenges. Here are some tips to help maintain a strong and supportive bond in similar situations:
- Open Dialogue: Maintain open and honest communication about your feelings, expectations, and concerns. This helps in building trust and mutual understanding.
- Empathy: Understand and respect each other’s perspectives and experiences. Empathy fosters a deeper connection and helps navigate differences.
- Find Common Ground: Engage in activities that both partners enjoy. Whether it’s attending concerts, watching TV together, or sharing hobbies, these moments strengthen the bond.
- Create New Traditions: Develop new traditions and rituals that are meaningful to both partners. These can provide stability and joy in the relationship.
- Be Supportive: Offer emotional support during tough times. For Mart, this meant regularly visiting Elfriede in the nursing home and attending to her needs.
- Show Appreciation: Regularly express appreciation and gratitude for each other. Small gestures of love and kindness can significantly impact the relationship.
- Ignore Negativity: Focus on your relationship and ignore societal judgments and stereotypes. Mart and Elfriede faced skepticism, but their bond remained strong because they stayed true to their feelings.
- Educate Others: When possible, educate friends and family about your relationship to reduce misunderstandings and foster acceptance.
- Plan Ahead: Address legal and practical issues early on. This includes discussing financial management, healthcare decisions, and living arrangements.
- Seek Legal Advice: Consult with legal experts to navigate any legal challenges, such as visa applications or partnership recognition.
Love Beyond Boundaries
The love story between Mart Soeson and Elfriede Riit is a powerful testament to the enduring nature of human connection. Despite an age difference of 56 years and numerous societal and legal challenges, their bond flourished, rooted in deep emotional and intellectual intimacy. Their relationship defied conventional norms and highlighted the essence of companionship, mutual respect, and unwavering commitment.
Mart and Elfriede’s journey reminds us that love transcends age and societal expectations. It emphasizes the importance of understanding, communication, and shared experiences in nurturing a relationship. Their story also sheds light on the importance of empathy and resilience when facing public scrutiny and legal hurdles.
As we reflect on their unique bond, we are reminded that love can manifest in many forms and that true companionship knows no boundaries. Mart and Elfriede’s relationship serves as an inspiring example of how love can endure and thrive, even in the face of adversity.
By embracing the principles of open communication, empathy, and shared activities, couples can navigate the complexities of unconventional relationships. Their story encourages us to look beyond societal norms and appreciate the profound connections that can develop between individuals, regardless of age or circumstance.
In honoring their memory, we can take away valuable lessons about the power of love and the importance of staying true to our hearts, regardless of societal expectations. Mart and Elfriede’s love story is a beautiful reminder that, at its core, love is about connection, understanding, and unwavering support for one another.