Children of the ’80s, listen up! Forget about 21st-century news, politics, or problems for a moment. Get your mind off the seriousness of life, and take a stroll through the hot pink and fluorescent green memories of childhood with me. From the Cabbage Patch craze to Speak N Spell, we have much to relish – and make fun of.
Cabbage Patch Craze to the Rescue
I was lucky; I had three: Catrina Angelina, Cynthia Alexis, and Jonathan Lucas. Yes, I remember their first and middle names, the signature on their squishy butts, and their raggedy yarn-hair. I recall pangs of excitement spreading through my gut and up to my 9-year-old heart as I unwrapped the most glorious birthday present of all. I will never forget that moment — My mom had entered a Cabbage Patch lottery, won her, and presented her to me during my birthday slumber party. I truly thought I was the luckiest girl in the world when she announced we had won. My friends looked on with jealousy and empathetic joy as I gently moved her from her box to the dining room floor, where she somehow became a real human to me, if only for a few months.
My friends were grouped into various categories: those who had piles upon piles of Cabbage Patch kids lined up on their beds, those who had a mid-range of 2-4, and those who had none to one. For a long time, I had only one and I looked upon my friends who piled them on their bed with admiration and envy. I wondered how they had so much money and started their collection a year before the rest of us. As for my friends with none, I offered to share mine and co-parent until they had their own. This was the highest of gestures, indicating what felt like an unbreakable bond between friends.
What exactly was the appeal of our Cabbage Patch Kids? Why were we so obsessed with them? They were unrealistic, lacked true variety, and smelled kind of funny. Maybe we loved them for rescuing us from cheesy scary movies, high hair plastered into place with ozone-killing spray, and pervasive yet confusing Cold War fears. Whatever our reasons, they were both bizarre and beloved.
’80s Toys We Love to Remember
This list could go on for pages upon pages, but I’ll highlight a few of my personal favorites here. Were any of these your go-to ’80s toys?
Speak n Spell: Its jarring robotic voice and sticky plastic keyboard were the ’80s kid’s version of an iPad. Sort of. It was meant to make us into master spellers, guiding us to spell words like “already” and “tomorrow.”
Transformers: If you grew up in the ’80s, then you’re probably already singing the commercial song by now. Transforming robots – what could be cooler?
Smurfs: Instead of an allowance, if I behaved well for a week or did all my chores, my mother would take me to the toy store, where I would spend almost an hour toiling over which blue-skinned creature to choose. I must have spent hundreds of hours creating elaborate theatrical scenes with my Smurfs, while playing Madonna and Cyndi Lauper tapes in the background, of course.
Strawberry Shortcake: Not usually a toy we think of when we reminisce, but I loved my Strawberry Shortcake so much that I can still smell her and hear her theme song to this day.
Passing Our ’80s Toys On
Many of us ’80s kids are now parents or grandparents. Amidst the laptops, video games, and cell phones our children or grandchildren so love, some of our ’80s toys are just as cool today as they were then. I dare you to whip out your old Transformers and see how much fun your little ones have with them!