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The Moment a Father Knew He Couldn’t Raise His Daughter in the U.S.
For many parents, the decision to move is often driven by career opportunities or the desire for a larger home, but for one Missouri couple, the motivation was a profound sense of relief they didn’t realize they were missing until they left the country.
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While millions of Americans live abroad for various reasons, a growing number are motivated by a specific, heavy burden that seems to vanish only when they leave U.S. soil. It raises an uncomfortable but necessary question: what happens when the environment you call home no longer feels like a safe place to raise a child?
A Moment of Epiphany in a Spanish Café
@lunanearandfar Here’s what shifted for him. I’m sure this’ll piss the right people off. No pun intended. #movingabroad #spaindigitalnomadvisa #movingabroadwithpets #movingtospainwithkids ♬ 7AM – Slowed + Reverb – Adrian
Luna Ashley Santel had dreamt of moving her family from St. Louis to Spain for a long time, but her husband wasn’t ready to take the leap. That changed completely during a trip to a busy Spanish café. Back home, being in a crowded public place often made him feel anxious and on guard. He realized he was scanning the room, a habit formed from living in an area where he felt unsafe.
His wife noticed his tension and pointed out something simple yet powerful: nobody there had a gun.
It was a wake-up call for the father of a four-year-old. He realized that the stress he carried every day wasn’t something everyone lived with. In a video sharing their story, he described it as a heavy weight lifting off his shoulders. He admitted that what he had come to accept as normal life in the U.S. was actually far from it.
In St. Louis, crowds signaled potential danger, but in Spain, the family felt a sense of peace. This realization was the tipping point. It wasn’t just about moving to a new country; it was about escaping the mental exhaustion of constantly worrying about safety. For the sake of their daughter, they decided they could no longer stay in a place where fear was part of the daily routine.
A World of Difference: Laws and Lifestyle
@lunanearandfar The count down is on. #movingabroad #movingtospain #digitalnomadvisaspain #movingtospainwithkids #expatspainlife #gettingoutoftheusa #movingoutoftheusa ♬ Chill Vibes – Tollan Kim
The family’s newfound sense of peace is supported by distinct differences in firearm regulations. In Spain, owning a handgun for self-defense is heavily restricted and typically allowed only when a person is in verifiable danger. In contrast, the laws in their home state of Missouri are far more permissive, requiring no permit to carry a firearm, whether concealed or in the open.
These policies result in vastly different outcomes. Statistics show that the gun death rate in Spain was just 0.64 per 100,000 people in 2019. In Missouri, the risk is significantly higher; in 2021, the state saw 23.2 deaths per 100,000 people. This means the likelihood of dying by gun violence was more than 36 times greater in their home state than in their new destination.
Beyond public spaces, the couple was deeply concerned about the atmosphere in schools. Luna, who spent seven years as a teacher, found the reality of active intruder drills in the U.S. unacceptable for her child. She emphasized that teaching a five-year-old how to hide from a gunman is not a lesson any parent wants to be necessary. For them, refusing to accept this as “normal” was a primary motivator for seeking a safer educational environment abroad.
The Rising Tide of American Expats
While Luna’s family was driven by safety concerns, they are part of a much larger wave of Americans seeking life outside the United States. Estimates suggest that around 8 million Americans currently reside abroad, a figure that has nearly doubled from 4.1 million in 1999. While tracking exact numbers can be difficult, the trend is clear, with Mexico, Canada, and the United Kingdom ranking as the most popular destinations for U.S. citizens.
This shift isn’t solely about escaping violence; it is also driven by accessibility and economics. The rise of remote work has untethered many employees from their physical offices, making it easier than ever to take their careers across borders. Additionally, the rising cost of living in the U.S. is pushing people to explore more affordable countries. Many nations are capitalizing on this interest by offering “golden visa” programs, which provide a pathway to residency for those willing to purchase property or make significant financial investments. Whether motivated by politics, finances, or a desire for a higher quality of life, the option to leave is becoming increasingly attractive to many.
Is the Expat Life Right for You?
If this family’s story resonates with you, you might be wondering if a move abroad is realistic for your own life. While the idea is exciting, the logistics can be complex. The most effective first step is to follow Luna’s husband’s example: visit before you commit. A vacation is different from a life, so try to spend an extended period in your destination. Visit local grocery stores, navigate public transit, and observe the daily rhythm to see if the lifestyle truly fits your needs.
It is also vital to research the legal pathways available to you. As noted, opportunities like “golden visa” programs can simplify the process for those with funds to invest, but other options exist. Look into digital nomad visas if you work remotely, or check if you qualify for citizenship by descent in countries with ancestral ties.
Finally, assess your “mental load.” Take an honest look at the stressors you have normalized in your current environment. Are you hyper-vigilant in public spaces? Are you worried about school safety? Identifying these specific burdens can help you choose a destination that alleviates them. Moving is not just about changing your address; it is about finding a place where you can lower your guard and live fully.
@lunanearandfar Turns out our life fits into a handful of suitcases. Now on to the next adventure! #movingabroadwithpets #movingtospainwithkids #movingoutoftheusa ♬ Golden Hour: Piano Version (Cover) – Andy Morris
The massive response to Luna’s video suggests they struck a nerve with American parents. Thousands of comments poured in from people who recognized that specific brand of exhaustion. One commenter, Mintmage, noted the sheer amount of “mental energy” dedicated to simply existing safely in the U.S. Another user, Astrolo-G, admitted that as a father of two boys, he was “shook” by the accuracy of the husband’s description of hyper vigilance.
This reaction highlights a hard reality: many people do not realize how heavy their burden is until they see someone else put it down. The internal alarm system that the husband described, constantly scanning crowds and planning exits, has become a standard background noise for many families. It is easy to become desensitized to an environment until you step outside of it and realize that constant anxiety does not have to be the baseline.
Obviously, packing up and moving to Europe is not a feasible solution for every family. However, the Santel family’s choice raises a valid point for anyone feeling that same weight. Prioritizing your peace of mind is not selfish; it is necessary. Whether it involves a trans-Atlantic flight or advocating for change in your local community, every family deserves to feel that their safety is a given, not a daily source of anxiety.