A Father Speaks Out After His Son, A Michigan Swimmer, Takes His Own Life

Trigger Warning: Suicide

In Canada, September is the Canadian Mental Health Association’s suicide prevention month. So as a Canadian, this story is a little extra sad to me because it took place in September. Of course, the message of suicide awareness and prevention is important in any month of the year. That’s why Steve Miskelley is speaking out about the tragic loss of his son, Ian.

Ian Miskelley’s Legacy

Ian Miskelley was 19 years old. During his time at Holland Christian High School, he won four state championships. He’d just started university at Michigan State when on Sept 7th, 2020, he died by suicide.

Though he hadn’t been at Michigan State very long, he made an impact. “When his teammates needed something, they could go to Ian,” says his university swim coach, Mike Bottom. “He would always drop whatever he’s got going on and get it done. It’s just really important that people take from this a real understanding that you’ve gotta appreciate people every day for who they are. You might not have that chance again.”

“I can’t tell you how many teammates told us how much Ian was there for them,” says Ian’s father, Steve Miskelley. “We are finding out what his legacy really is. He internalized a lot, but he was always looking out for the little guy.”

Ian’s Father Speaks On His Suicide

“This is not sadness, this is a disease. And it isn’t a rational disease,” says Steve. “It can happen to anyone. That is the stigma that we have to break.” For Steve, the problem is clear: “People constantly equate sadness and depression, and those are not the same thing. People wonder what you have to be depressed about when you have so much going for you, but that is not what this is.”

Unfortunately, Ian was one of those people. Despite being depressed and struggling with anger since he was 11, he “struggled with separating that because he was thankful for everything he had,” says Ian’s mother, Jill. “He knew what he had and he wondered why he couldn’t be happy.”

“This impresses me now even more than before, but his self-awareness about this . . . He was incredibly self-aware and determined to fix this.”

Michigan’s Suicide Response 

“There is no playbook for something this tragic. As soon as we found out that Ian had taken his life, we were obviously devastated,” says Coach Bottom. “We got to the house as quickly as possible and there were members of our administration there and a counselor. The way the university responded was so supportive and helped us . . . We needed to get the team together, and they offered up the baseball stadium for us to get together and talk.” 

Steve agrees. “The University of Michigan has been phenomenal throughout all of this, and I don’t just mean this. Since Day 1,” he says, “when he walked onto campus, they got people around Ian and supported him. They had good therapy and help. It is amazing what they did for him and I can’t thank them enough.”

“You just want to be there and say, ‘Hey, we love you, I wish you were here,’” says Bottom. “We don’t have that chance.”

Beyond the Smile: How to Spot and Help Someone Struggling with Mental Health

Spotting signs of someone struggling with mental health can be difficult, especially because many people mask their pain with a brave face or attempt to carry on as though nothing is wrong. However, certain behavioral and emotional signals can suggest that a loved one might be dealing with depression or even contemplating self-harm. It’s important to approach these signs with care, compassion, and understanding.

Behavioral Changes to Watch For

Someone battling depression or suicidal thoughts may start withdrawing from social activities they once enjoyed or isolating themselves from friends and family. You might notice sudden changes in sleeping patterns, either excessive sleep or insomnia, or alterations in eating habits, such as a significant loss of appetite or overeating.

There may also be a noticeable drop in performance at work or school, or a disinterest in personal responsibilities. Additionally, pay attention to expressions of hopelessness or feelings of being trapped, as well as an increase in risk-taking behavior or talk of feeling like a burden to others.

Emotional Signs to Take Seriously

Depression and the risk of suicide can manifest in overwhelming feelings of sadness, despair, or emptiness. Your loved one may seem irritable, anxious, or excessively worried, and they might express feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Sometimes, these emotional signs are masked behind a facade of humor or strength, making it essential to listen closely to both what they say and what they leave unsaid.

How to Support Someone in Need

If you notice these signs, don’t hesitate to reach out. Sometimes, simply being there and offering a non-judgmental ear can make a world of difference. You don’t need to have the perfect words or know exactly how to help—what matters most is that you care and are willing to listen.

Try asking open-ended questions such as, “How have you been feeling lately?” or “I’ve noticed you seem different; do you want to talk about it?” If they do open up, resist the urge to offer solutions right away. Validate their feelings, even if they are difficult to hear. Let them know they are not alone and that it’s okay to ask for help.

Encourage Professional Support

While being a supportive friend or family member is crucial, it’s equally important to encourage professional help. Gently suggest seeing a therapist or a doctor who can provide specialized care. Offer to assist in finding resources or even accompany them to appointments if they feel overwhelmed. Remember, supporting someone through their mental health struggle can be challenging, so take care of your own emotional well-being too.

Depression and suicidal thoughts thrive in silence and isolation, but genuine, compassionate connections can help bring light to even the darkest times. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please seek professional assistance or emergency services without delay. Every life is valuable, and reaching out can truly make a difference.