Why Young Men Are Becoming More Hesitant About Dating

For generations, meeting someone often began with a simple risk: walking over and saying hello. Now, some young men say that first step feels harder than ever, with rejection joined by another concern: being perceived as creepy, intrusive, or disrespectful.

That creates an awkward contradiction. Some women report encountering unwanted behavior, while some men have become so worried about crossing the line that they avoid approaching women altogether.

The Fear Of Being Called Creepy Is Changing Behavior

One set of surveys has become central to this conversation. Dating coach Blaire Anderson commissioned surveys involving 1,000 American men and 2,000 American women between the ages of 18 and 40.

The research, published in 2022, found that 44% of men said fear of being labeled creepy made them less likely to interact with women. Among single men, that figure rose to 53%.

The wording of the research creates an important limitation because the participants were asked about a term that did not have a single agreed definition. For someone considering approaching a stranger, that uncertainty can make the social calculation feel impossible.

Grant Greenly, a 24-year-old actor and model, described the feeling bluntly: “Approaching women today isn’t worth the hassle.” His comment reflects a sentiment that has increasingly appeared in discussions about modern dating.

Women Have Their Own Reason To Be Wary

The other side of the survey paints a very different picture. According to Anderson’s research, 82% of women said they had experienced behavior they considered creepy sometimes, often, or constantly.

That figure matters because it puts male hesitation in a different context. Women who are cautious around unfamiliar men may be drawing on previous experiences that taught them to be careful.

Connell Barrett, a dating coach, argued that the distinction is important. “Women aren’t saying, ‘Don’t come talk to us,’” he said. “They’re saying, ‘Don’t objectify, harass or disrespect us.’”

That leaves a large space between two extremes. A respectful introduction can be welcome, while persistent attention after someone shows disinterest can become uncomfortable, and people do not always know how an interaction will be received before it begins.

Some Women Say They Still Want Men To Approach

The retreat from face-to-face approaches becomes more complicated when other survey results enter the conversation. A survey published by Date Psychology reported that 45% of men aged 18 to 25 had never approached a woman in person, while 29% across all ages said they had never done so.

Yet the same survey reported that 77% of women aged 18 to 30 wished they were approached more often. Among women in their thirties, 68% reportedly said the same.

Those figures came from a self-published survey rather than a large academic study, so they should not be treated as definitive evidence of how young adults behave. They do, however, illustrate the strange gap at the center of the debate.

Some men fear an unwanted approach will be judged negatively, while some women say they would like to be approached more often. The result can be two people waiting for the other person to make the first move.

The Bigger Problem May Be Confidence

More substantial data suggests hesitation around dating goes beyond fear of appearing creepy. The Institute for Family Studies surveyed 5,275 unmarried adults aged 22 to 35 for its 2025 National Dating Landscape Survey and described the findings as evidence of a “dating recession.”

Only 31% of respondents were considered active daters, meaning they went on a date at least once a month. The figure was 36% among men and 26% among women.

Confidence was another major issue. Only 29% of men said they felt confident approaching someone they were romantically interested in, while the figure was 21% among women.

That finding complicates the idea that young men have simply stopped trying. Women reported low confidence too, suggesting dating may be producing hesitation across both sides rather than one gender suddenly losing interest.

Money Is Also Getting In The Way

The same survey identified practical obstacles that have little to do with dating etiquette. Among respondents, 52% cited a lack of money as an obstacle to dating, followed by lack of confidence at 49% and bad experiences in previous relationships at 48%.

Those numbers suggest the problem cannot be reduced to men being afraid of rejection. Dating requires time, confidence, emotional energy, and often money, so avoiding the situation can become easier when several of those resources are missing.

Rejection Still Plays A Powerful Role

There is another fear underneath the debate that existed long before dating apps or social media: rejection. Psychologist Theresa DiDonato examined the Institute for Family Studies data and identified a substantial confidence problem among both men and women.

According to her analysis, 71% of men and 79% of women said they lacked confidence asking someone out. Two thirds of men also questioned their ability to read dating cues, while only 28% believed they could recover from rejection.

That final figure may explain some of the silence better than the fear of being called creepy. Approaching someone requires uncertainty because the person may be interested, uninterested, distracted, already dating someone, or simply having a bad day.

There is no foolproof script that removes that uncertainty. For some people, avoiding the possibility of rejection may feel easier than accepting the awkwardness that comes with trying.

The Research Has A Major Weak Spot

The strongest version of the argument needs a reality check. Not all the evidence being circulated about the dating approach crisis comes from peer-reviewed academic research.

The surveys about fear of being perceived as creepy were commissioned by a dating coach, while the approach statistics came from a self-published blog survey. The Institute for Family Studies survey provides a larger sample, but it is still based on people’s self-reported experiences and attitudes.

Another frequently cited piece of research is a 2025 University of Groningen bachelor’s thesis examining approach anxiety. Its author identified a significant gap in the academic literature, finding “a gap in academic literature with zero papers concerning AA directly, despite the widespread recognition of AA in popular media and self-help platforms.”

People are having a huge cultural conversation about approach anxiety while researchers have relatively little direct evidence about the phenomenon itself. That distinction matters when sweeping claims are made about an entire generation.

Respect Does Not Have To Mean Silence

There is a difference between approaching someone respectfully and continuing after the answer is clearly no. That distinction is easy to describe but harder to handle in real life because social interactions rarely come with instructions.

The Institute for Family Studies researchers found that 83% of women and 74% of men strongly endorsed a dating culture focused on serious relationships. The desire for connection remains even as confidence and participation appear to be slipping.

Barrett summarized his position with another blunt line: “Respect does not mean retreat.” That does not mean every stranger wants to be approached, and it does not mean anyone is entitled to another person’s attention.

For anyone making the first move, several basic principles remain straightforward:

• Pay attention to context: Someone who is busy, wearing headphones, rushing somewhere, or clearly signaling disinterest may not want an interaction.
• Keep the opening respectful: A simple introduction gives the other person room to respond without pressure.
• Accept the answer: Interest cannot be negotiated, so a polite rejection should end the interaction.
• Respect uncertainty: A hesitant response may simply mean someone is not interested at that moment.
• Remember the risk is mutual: Rejection can sting, but avoiding every possibility also makes connection less likely.

The Dating Gap Is Bigger Than One Awkward Hello

The popular story says men stopped approaching women because they are terrified of being called creepy. The available evidence is more complicated, with fear of judgment appearing alongside rejection, low confidence, financial pressure, and difficult past experiences.

Women are experiencing their own hesitation too. The result is a strange dating environment where people continue to say they want meaningful relationships while feeling less equipped to begin the interactions that could lead to them.

The answer is unlikely to be a return to some imaginary era when dating was simple. It may be much smaller than that: approaching respectfully, recognizing when the answer is no, and accepting that a little awkwardness is sometimes the price of meeting another human being.